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I'm Sammantha & I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother, unless your mother is a drunk whore too.





An Octopus unscrewing a lid from the inside.

Octopuses are going to kill us all someday

I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.

Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank

Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.

An octopus in Germany was annoyed by a bright light shining into his tank, so he climbed up over the rim and squirted water at it to short it

Fuckin’ octopuses, man. 

(via modifiedwh0re)

— 17 minutes ago with 436382 notes




I Don’t Know How Much Vodka I Put In This But I’m Going To Drink It Anyways: a memoir

This drink tastes awful, but I can’t waste alcohol: a sequel

I’m going to get a bigger glass and add more mixer and have way too much to drink: The Thrilling Conclusion

(via nishinokimiis)

— 20 minutes ago with 286732 notes






oh yeah, with the new size limit for .gifs this thing can finally be posted

what the fuck


you need to review this gif.

I like it. Review over.

(via thebrigeedarocks)

— 7 hours ago with 130397 notes


my sister’s view on one direction’s fashion sense:

  • louis: “smoked weed once and won’t let anyone forget it”
  • zayn: “posh college student ft. laid back beyonce”
  • harry: “hippie mom that’s a little too happy about being pregnant”
  • niall: “frat boy… might’ve sucked some dick but no one judges him”
  • liam: “he looks like he’s about to get into a rap battle”

(via thesmuggledplum)

— 7 hours ago with 16545 notes



have you ever been so obsessed with something that it made you angry because you physically cannot shut the fuck up about it


(via everyzaynaboutlou)

— 8 hours ago with 478827 notes